You're Probably Not As Self-Aware As You Think

Good afternoon. A friend of mine, keynote speaker and corporate trainer, sent me his new leadership book to review. Inside, one specific fact about self-awareness took me by surprise.

Before you assume this is a "know thyself" newsletter — it isn't, not exactly. Wasted Potential exists because I believe that most people miss out on the life they could be living because they either don't know what they want, or don't have the courage or know-how to act on it.

Today, I'll show you why self-awareness matters, and help you get started on actually knowing yourself.

— Mihai Căsălean

I first read about it in Bruce Mayhew's new book, The Path of an Inspired Leader. Dr Tasha Eurich is the researcher behind the number, and after watching her TEDx talk (which has over 5M+ views), it became clear to me that self-awareness is much more than a nice-to-have.

We like to think we have a pretty good idea of who we are. We could probably name a hundred things we can’t stand in other people, and maybe a few we’re guilty of too.

Well, it turns out that most of what we believe about ourselves is incomplete, or simply wrong. The problem is that we build entire lives on that assumption: what to study, which job to take, who to keep close, what to pursue, and what we think will finally make us happy.

Then, years later, we wonder why the “right” path feels so wrong. Maybe it’s because we’ve been chasing an idea of success that wasn’t ours to begin with.

Self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly: how you operate, what you value, what sets you off, and the effect you have on the people around you.

It works on two levels: internal (knowing what’s happening inside you) and external (knowing how you come across to others). Both matter, but being strong in one doesn’t mean you won’t struggle with the other.

Luckily, becoming more self-aware isn’t that hard. It takes a little reflection and a lot of honesty. It’s often not easy to admit that some of the things you do every day aren’t aligned with your true self. It’s much easier to simply “stop looking in mirrors,” as Tennessee Williams is believed to have said.

But doing so will most certainly result in a life lived blindly and, ultimately, with regret.

I’ve spent enough time thinking about this, for myself and for my students, to land on four pillars that shape who you actually are.

Values are what you believe in and stand by: freedom, family, compassion, adventure, friendship, and so on. They are your compass, helping you stay true to yourself as you move forward.

Heritage is what runs in your family, both the good and the bad: beliefs, talents, character traits, weaknesses, successes and failures, biases, and more. Ask yourself which of these serve you and which hold you back.

Habits are actions or behavioural routines you repeat regularly, often without thinking. They reveal more about you than your intentions ever will. Notice what you default to when you’re tired, bored, anxious, or free.

Skills are what you’re naturally good at or have trained for. They are the bridge between merely thinking about life and actually living it. They point towards the kind of contribution only you can make.

Spend a few minutes on each pillar and reflect on what it says about you. Don’t overthink it, and be honest with yourself.

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